Parenting Under the Microscope: Letting Go of Judgment and Parenting With Conviction

Have you ever been out in the world with your children and felt it — the stares, the side-eyes, the silent commentary from strangers who seem convinced you’re doing something wrong?

Their eyes burn into the back of your head.Their thoughts feel loud.And somehow, without ever speaking to you, they’ve decided you’re failing your kids.

I was thinking about this recently while chatting with friends about how I still love doing things like grocery shopping or visiting the library after the sun goes down. I’ve never been someone who hibernates in the winter. I love hopping on the train in the evening to head into the city for a PWHL game or dinner with a friend — even now, it still feels like freedom.

And yes, sometimes that meant my kids were with me.

The “Rules” We Follow Without Question

There are a lot of parenting “rules” that get passed around as if they’re evidence-based truths. But often, they’re really just habits built around convenience.

• Early bedtimes so parents can clean up and decompress

• Bland foods to avoid picky eating battles

• Staying inside when the weather isn’t warm and sunny

• Structuring days to minimize mess, discomfort, or unpredictability

None of these choices are bad. They work beautifully for many families.

But here’s what gets overlooked:Just because something makes parenting easier doesn’t mean alternatives are harmful.

Different doesn’t equal dangerous.

Our Family’s Rhythm Looked Different

When my boys were young, I worked evenings and weekends — often seven days a week. I was the primary educator at a local birthing hospital, and classes ran daily. My time with my kids happened during the weekdays, and I treasured being part of bedtime routines, even though I didn’t get home from teaching until close to 10:30 p.m.

That meant my children often went to bed around 11:00 p.m.And then they slept in.

It worked for us.

They were rested.They were regulated.They were connected.

But wow — did people have opinions.

If I was out grocery shopping in the evening with my kids, I could feel the judgment radiating off other adults. Never mind that my children loved shopping with me. They enjoyed helping plan meals. It was something we did together.

More than once, complete strangers stopped me to tell me I was harming my children by having them out instead of home in bed.

So I leaned on a skill many parents learn early:A smile.A nod.And a calm, “Thank you — I’ll take that into consideration.”

Then I carried on with my life.

When Judgment Crosses a Line

One cold but sunny winter day, my kids asked to go outside and play. They were dressed appropriately — layers, snow pants, waterproof jackets, hats, mitts, scarves. Fully bundled.

Not long after, my eldest rushed his younger brother to the door — blood all over his face. He hadn’t seen him fall or hit anything and was terrified.

As I cleaned him up, my youngest watched himself in the mirror. Suddenly, the colour drained from his face. He said he couldn’t see, began convulsing, and passed out in my arms.

I panicked and called 9-1-1.

While the operator dispatched an ambulance, she also made sure to tell me — pointedly — how irresponsible it was to let my children play outside in winter.

Let that sink in.

Even in a moment of fear and vulnerability, the judgment came first.

Later, we figured out what happened: my youngest had grabbed an icicle, tried to eat it, and it stuck to his lip. When he pulled it off, it bled — a lot. Seeing the blood caused him to faint. For years afterward, even the sight of blood made him woozy.

He’s almost 25 now… and still not a fan.

Here’s the Truth

I am the parent.

I make thoughtful decisions to keep my children safe, respected, and supported. And if the choices I make for my family aren’t the ones you’d make for yours, that doesn’t make them wrong.

If you’re genuinely worried about a child’s safety, ask curious, non-accusatory questions.If not, trust that other parents are doing the best they can — just like you.

Parenting doesn’t need more judgment. It needs more trust.

Follow your heart.Know your family.Parent with conviction.

You know your children best.